This is to wish everyone on our forum a happy new year. I really hope and pray that 2009 turns out to be a good year for all of us.
I know the Christmas and New Year period can sometimes be difficult, with the extra pressure of socializing when you’re not in a good place – but I hope it’s also been a time when everyone has been reminded of some of the good things in life. When I had to review my life to write ‘Out of the Dark’, it confirmed to me that so much good has come out of what seemed to be the darkest times I’ve experienced. Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church in California put my feelings in a nutshell when he said ‘there are good things in bad times, and bad things in good times’. This truly describes my life.
One of the huge ‘good things out of bad’, is this forum. I love the fact that this small online community is made up of a group of diverse people of different backgrounds and ages, who encourage and help each other through the bad times – and celebrate each others’ good times. I also love the structure that has developed naturally over the years, a few examples are as follows:
Kahlan recognized the need for a thread specifically for the difficult times, and created one called ‘Serious Chat’, in the ‘Mental and Emotional Issues’, ‘General’ section. It’s so important to have a place where we can be real about what we’re feeling, and sometimes just ‘vent’… ‘Serious Chat’.
However, we also need places to be reminded about the good things in life, hence the section of the same name ‘The Bright Side of Life’ – really worth a read if you need a ‘pick-me-up’.
Then there’s the fun side, and phoebegrl2003 started the ‘a game thing’ thread in the ‘General Discussions’ sections ‘A Game Thing’
And our wonderful ‘encourager’, Jan, began the ‘How’s everybody doing’ thread in the ‘General Discussions’ section – just a place to generally catch up with each others’ news ‘How’s Everybody Doing?’
I’m adding a couple more threads today; one about what animals we have (my animals, and birds have played a major role in my life, and still do), and what makes for a good break, or ‘time out’ for us. I’d love to hear about your animals, and about the things you do to wind down and de-stress. I’ll put them both in ‘The Bright Side of Life’ section.
Many interesting and helpful observations have been made over the last few years. For instance, Jane said she allowed herself to have a bad day, which prompted the comment from Jan that maybe this was what we should do instead of being angry or upset at ourselves when we go ‘down’, or have bad days for seemingly no reason. I have to say that, in my own life, this is now one of the things that helps me to stay healthy; I used to get furious when I had ‘down’ days, and would call myself pathetic, useless, and a number of other choice names that I’d never call anyone else who was struggling. Since coming through my breakdown, I’ve learnt to pace myself, and not to over-commit myself. I try to be as kind to me as I am to those I ‘walk’ with, in their difficult times. For instance, I’m someone who needs a lot of ‘alone’ time and space. Everything I do, creatively, is a solitary pursuit. Whether I’m drawing, painting, doing calligraphy or writing, I do it best alone, in a silent place. Unlike many people I know (most, actually!), I even find music distracting at these times. Recognizing this, I now make sure I give myself ‘alone’ time – especially when I have a lot of commitments. If I don’t, I just end up feeling overwhelmed. So I think Jane’s comment was extremely helpful, and that we should all, in Jan’s wise words, ‘be gentle’ with ourselves when we’re struggling. Also consider what I’ve said about giving yourselves a bit of ‘time and space’ to regularly do something you really enjoy. It makes such a difference to have something to look forward to. Even if you have a busy and demanding schedule, try to take some time out and do something special at least once a week – see a movie with friends – have lunch with a friend – dinner with your husband – pamper yourself by running a hot bath on a cold night and just soaking in it with a ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on the door – go to bed early and curl up with a good book…
As I mentioned earlier in this letter, I’m starting a new thread titled ‘time out’ ideas, so let’s share them with each other.